Topic: 由于参加我们写作互改组的人比较多. 我提议有我每天选写作题目, 大家把自己写的作文贴在网上, 我会每天下午或晚上贴出范文. 欢迎大家提出修改意见, 但请使用文明语言. 今天的题目是: @佛州华人论坛:佛州枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Florida

工作学习 / 求学深造 / 由于参加我们写作互改组的人比较多. 我提议有我每天选写作题目, 大家把自己写的作文贴在网上, 我会每天下午或晚上贴出范文. 欢迎大家提出修改意见, 但请使用文明语言. 今天的题目是:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parent are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-23 {144} (#477364@0)

This is my essay. Please give me some advise. Thank you. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-23 {1661} (#477555@0)

If your aim is for preparing TOEFL test, this frame work is perfect. -diao_david(Internship 在哪里？); 2002-4-23 (#477607@0)

托福就喜欢这个格式。 -heian(㊣天使-考ing 4/5); 2002-4-23 (#477580@0)
my parents were highschool teachers, so I am probably not the best person to ask... -slimpiggy(瘦猪犹如插翅虎); 2002-4-23 (#477584@0)

No kiding. Please give me some advice. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-23 (#477615@0)

For whatever test you are preparing for, I suppose this is pretty good, and I had no trouble understanding the content. However, the piece is far from perfect.For instance, looking at the first para:

You started with an affirmative statement. Followed by a factual claim that is against the assertion you just made. Then a lead-in sentence in the form of a rhetorical question.

The first para should state all of your assertions and arguments, be puntual and rehtorics has no place in this essay. -slimpiggy(瘦猪犹如插翅虎); 2002-4-23 {344} (#477643@0)

You mean normally do not use rhetorical question in first para. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-23 (#477671@0)

Rhetorics is a technique for speeches, it does not belong in formal writings. -slimpiggy(瘦猪犹如插翅虎); 2002-4-23 (#477675@0)

1. Interesting --- interest. 2. become more different than before --- increasingly diverse.3. no one can --- no one could
4. He knows a lot of knowledge about teeth -- He knows a lot about teeth
5. but he hasn’t any knowledge -- but he doesn't have any knowledge or he knows little about computer -6868(飞雪); 2002-4-23 {211} (#477644@0)

I got it. Thank you. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-23 (#477664@0)
"3. no one can --- no one could" Why? I don't understand. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-23 (#477685@0)

这个题目是模拟题还是真题？我怎么觉得很象中国人拟的题目。“父母是孩子最好的老师吗？”从题意上看，似乎强调的是父母作为子女的为人处事、思想品格、人生观方面的言传身教作用。个人观点，一家之言。 -pingle(迁徙综合症); 2002-4-23 (#477716@0)

he still be short on mathematics ??? -ameia(ameia); 2002-4-23 (#477717@0)
本虎也在托福准备中，虽然本虎文章其烂无比，但是看了不少范文，你的文章不错，但是好像用词较简单，另外鸡蛋里挑骨头，倒数第二段是否为what I wanted. -tigerwing(tigerwing); 2002-4-24 (#477929@0)

这个我觉着只要能把意思说明白就行了，何必非用“复杂”的词呢？俺班上的Canadian，有的写文章花哨极了，用的词连一般的Canadian 都想不起来用。可惜，写的报告并不因此得高分。 -diao_david(Internship 在哪里？); 2002-4-24 (#477956@0)

ROLLOR点评（我对托福作文没有研究，只是从作文的角度看这篇文章） -rollor(Rollor); 2002-4-24 {2283} (#478136@0)
我的托付老师上周刚好讲除了第一段可以用FIRT OF ALL.以后最好不用数字,SECOND THIRD...可用FURTHERMORE....;不要用自问自答的形式.她说那样象SALES PERSON. -giantpanda(大熊猫); 2002-4-24 (#478176@0)
insufficient words , I guess. you need to write more -gogoogooo(这个杀手不太冷); 2002-4-24 (#478488@0)

In my point of view, I'll mark this article as 5 at most . the struture is okay , purely TOEFL style , but the simplest one . You may ...In my point of view, I'll mark this article as 5 at most . the struture is okay , purely TOEFL style , but the simplest one . You may want to use more reasonable and clearer sentence structures , for instance ,some transitional words , Umm... need to be more complicated one... -gogoogooo(这个杀手不太冷); 2002-4-24 {278} (#478498@0)

首先，你没有能让考官觉得你这文章和别人有什么不一样。第二，你的结构是8股文，问题不大，但是结构不够利落严谨，三，词汇贫乏(这是以T的标准来看)。所以，能给4.5分就很不错了。你得多听反面意见，才能真达到你的目的。对吧？ -luobotour(萝卜头儿); 2002-4-24 (#477981@0)

转LD大人的一点拙见: 你的Essay确实最多只能的5分, 4.5也是有可能的. 范文写的不错,但犯了一个策略性的错误: -icesnowman(爱江山也爱美人); 2002-4-24 {2797} (#478882@0)

你的这个主意真是太好了，非常支持。随便请问，小妹我刚刚开始准备托福，经验不多，想多找点范文学习，推荐几本书或网站好吗？非常谢谢！ -xiaomay(may(红五月）); 2002-4-25 (#480884@0)

@Florida